This year (from last September to current one) was the craziest year of my life. It was the happiest and the most miserable of all. I'm grateful for it and I want it gone from my life.
This year was complicated. I loved it. And I hated it.
But I guess, no matter what I say or feel, I don't really regret having it. It taught me quite a lot.
I'm accepting it. And moving on.

I need to learn how to talk to people properly. To be less aggressive, less sarcastic. It's almost never funny to anyone. I'm the only one enjoying it.
Cause I'm fucking selfish.
And mean.
And I don't have much friends not only because I don't want to (although that's still a thing), but because of those reasons above.
Need to learn to control the things I say.
Need to shut up sometimes.
I'm neither ugly nor stupid. Just very, very mean. That's why nobody likes me.
No one will ever like a person who spits poison while talking.
So be kinder.
Be smarter than this.
And calmer.
C'mon, Ann, it's time to grow up. Time to forgive humanity for everything.
You know how much some words and actions can hurt. You do. So stop trying to hurt people back.
Be better.
And maybe it'll come back to you.

Oh, c'mon, universe! What have I done? Why can't things ever go my way?
I'm so tired of hoping and never actually getting anything.
Just tired.

I need a therapist or something.

I am deep.
Me, hey, hello, I'm here. Pull me out.

Mom came to visit me. I got sick the day before.
Just my luck.

I want my days to be full of emotions and colours. Again.
I guess I really want the university to start already.
New people.
New knowledge.
New experience.
New life.
New me.

Oh, that's just great!
Yeah, let's start this shit all over, you being a selfish bastard, me being a little selfish victim.
Fucking hate it.
You know I hurt.
And yet you do stuff, just "cause you shouldn't".
I know I shouldn't. But it's fucking how it is.

The funny part is, I still don't hate.

I got in, I think?
Philology.
I got in.
But I'm afraid to be fully happy and glad cause I'm scared the lists are not final. Waiting for the 3rd to prove it.

I'm still gonna reach my goal.
I'm going to be a teacher.
No matter what.

I'm not particularly sad or miserable lately, but I'm highly unstable.
Don't wanna see me cry? Treat me like a fucking princess.
I know, it's stupid, and I don't really think that. I just wish people took my mental state and feelings in consideration.

I either stopped feeling this void inside me or got used to it. Not quite sure…

Going to apply documents for Universities.
Scared and nervous.
God, I hope I'm gonna be lucky at least in this case. Like, c'mon, I've had enough.

I want to change things. I wanna be happy on my own.
And I'm gonna do that.
Cause why the fuck should I suffer over something I can't change?
No point. But being happy… That's a pretty good wish. And I think I can do that. Make myself happy again. I just need to try harder, and I think I'm strong enough to to that.
Cause I'm tired of being sad. Of being broken.
Fixing myself is gonna be hard. But totally worth it.

I JUST WANT NOT TO CARE!