sound of my voice
22 January
I am fine. I have a job I love. I finally earn my own money. I have my bf and my friends. I'm going back to therapy just for support.

I am okay.
5 October
So I'm looking for a job.
But a job is not looking for me.
And that sucks.
3 October


Я делаю свое, а ты делаешь свое. Я живу в этом мире не для того, чтобы соответствовать твоим ожиданиям. А ты живешь в этом мире не для того, чтобы соответствовать моим. Ты – это ты, а я – это я. И если нам случится найти друг друга — это прекрасно. Если – нет, этому нельзя помочь.»
— Фредерик Перлз
25 June
4 April
it's corona time
I'm tired of everything. Of uni, of thesis, of quarantine, of being stuck at home.
I cry a lot.
I'm repeating myself from half a year ago, but nothing's changed.
I want all of this to end.
14 January
I honestly just want all of this to end.
5 November
Аврора Медея Майя
Август Мефодий
16 February
obsessive thoughts suck
Gods, I'm so often worried and scared for no reason. I just think of the worst possible scenarios. Why do I do that to myself?
Grateful to Nikita for being patient with me and understanding: "call if you're worried and feel like you're spiraling".
21 January
So. I've had fever since the end of November. I have headaches and head-spinning more often. I have worse stomach and I feel sick a lot.
Visiting a lot of doctors now, I hope we find smth out. I'm tired of being not well. Of feeling bad.
6 December
I'm not writing cause I'm fine. Surprisingly.
26 September
sucks being me rn
I'm sick again. Everything sucks. I haven't done anything useful. Gloria has ringworm again. My anxiety has been above my usual level for like three weeks already.
12 September
I fucking love it when I tell mom smth like "you do this and this and it's unpleasant" and she's like "I DON'T DO IT AND NOT DOING IT NOW", and you're like "maybe, yeah, maybe not now, just talking from experience, cause you do it a lot", and she's "I'M OFFENDED NOW I DON'T DO IT".

Right, mom. Right. It's just my imagination. You were not the reason for all my complexes and anxiety that I had to deal with myself. And am still dealing with.
24 August
Лежишь на диване, парень играет рядом в комп, и говоришь: "я пизда". И он, без заминки и не задумываясь, продолжает: "… тая".
11 April
just a nice change
I got used to sharing a bed again. For the first time in two years I feel comfortable sleeping with someone. That's a little bit weird, but also… nice.
27 March
Never thought I'd miss talking to someone so much…
It's only been like four days, but I'm so used to talking to him all day everyday that I miss it. A lot.