So I'm looking for a job.
But a job is not looking for me.
And that sucks.

I'm tired of everything. Of uni, of thesis, of quarantine, of being stuck at home.
I cry a lot.
I'm repeating myself from half a year ago, but nothing's changed.
I want all of this to end.

I honestly just want all of this to end.

So. I've had fever since the end of November. I have headaches and head-spinning more often. I have worse stomach and I feel sick a lot.
Visiting a lot of doctors now, I hope we find smth out. I'm tired of being not well. Of feeling bad.

I'm sick again. Everything sucks. I haven't done anything useful. Gloria has ringworm again. My anxiety has been above my usual level for like three weeks already.

I fucking love it when I tell mom smth like "you do this and this and it's unpleasant" and she's like "I DON'T DO IT AND NOT DOING IT NOW", and you're like "maybe, yeah, maybe not now, just talking from experience, cause you do it a lot", and she's "I'M OFFENDED NOW I DON'T DO IT".

Right, mom. Right. It's just my imagination. You were not the reason for all my complexes and anxiety that I had to deal with myself. And am still dealing with.

Never thought I'd miss talking to someone so much…
It's only been like four days, but I'm so used to talking to him all day everyday that I miss it. A lot.
Fuck.
Fuck…
FUCK!

Wow. Yes, great, Ann. Let's get so stressed you randomly cry and be hysterical. A fucking dream, right?

So… My cat's got a ringworm. That's not nice. And nah, she's fine ans will be fine.
The stupid part is that I can get it as well, if my immune system is weak. And guess who fucking got sick a day ago? Me! Yay! Fucking hate myself right now.
Also, I hope Gloria is not too bored in the bathroom by herself. I can't even be with her, really.

So, I'm back with my god-awful mood. Yup. It's sticking. I thought it'd go away, but it's here to stay.
I don't know if it's just autumn depression or something worse. Good things happen to me one after another and I don't feel them. Only realize them with my mind.
It's been almost two months and I still feel bad, the pills that usually tone down my anxiety didn't help and I don't know what to do.
Books help a little bit, but not for long, only while I'm reading and maybe right after…
I hope it passes soon. I can't go on like that. It's exhausting.

I hate and love Doctor Who. HOW DARES THIS SHOW DO THIS TO ME?
Crying. Just silently crying.

UPD: WHAT IS THIS? How can they make it even more emotional, wtf? No way. They reversed it… Damn.

UPD: And that Christmas special. Jesus. Precious.

I feel my post-birthday depression coming up. It's rather late this year.
It actually has nothing to do with my birthday, but hey! Whatever. Need to get rid of it. Fast. I have no time for depression.

I feel like I'm drowning. Hope it's temporary.

Why do I even have feelings?

You know how you have a habit of thinking that everything's okay and you feel better? Well, you need to lose it. Cause when you do think that, things usually go down the drain.