Oh, that's just great!
Yeah, let's start this shit all over, you being a selfish bastard, me being a little selfish victim.
Fucking hate it.
You know I hurt.
And yet you do stuff, just "cause you shouldn't".
I know I shouldn't. But it's fucking how it is.

The funny part is, I still don't hate.

I got in, I think?
Philology.
I got in.
But I'm afraid to be fully happy and glad cause I'm scared the lists are not final. Waiting for the 3rd to prove it.

I'm still gonna reach my goal.
I'm going to be a teacher.
No matter what.

I'm not particularly sad or miserable lately, but I'm highly unstable.
Don't wanna see me cry? Treat me like a fucking princess.
I know, it's stupid, and I don't really think that. I just wish people took my mental state and feelings in consideration.

I either stopped feeling this void inside me or got used to it. Not quite sure…

Going to apply documents for Universities.
Scared and nervous.
God, I hope I'm gonna be lucky at least in this case. Like, c'mon, I've had enough.

I want to change things. I wanna be happy on my own.
And I'm gonna do that.
Cause why the fuck should I suffer over something I can't change?
No point. But being happy… That's a pretty good wish. And I think I can do that. Make myself happy again. I just need to try harder, and I think I'm strong enough to to that.
Cause I'm tired of being sad. Of being broken.
Fixing myself is gonna be hard. But totally worth it.

I JUST WANT NOT TO CARE!

When you do your best, but still wanna cry at any moment of the day. And sometimes do, not even yourself knowing the clear reason.
And it's not like something extraordinary happened.
I guess I'm just… tired. And maybe lonely. But mostly morally exhausted.
I need some rest. And peace.
Wanna take a break from everything and just go to another city or even country. Forget about all my troubles for a week. Relax. Gain some strength.

Seas and forests of the world, come to me. Since I can't come to you.

Я была его пластырем, а у него не хватило силы воли, чтобы не сдирать корочку.

Did so much stuff today, feel like I've accomplished something.
Oh, the feeling of satisfaction. I'm even in quite a good mood for the first time in a while.

You know this side character in the movie who's a main character's girlfriend, and she's nice and you kinda like her? But we all know she's not his true love and we root for two main characters to get together and live happily ever after? And they do, probably, and he breaks up with this side character. And we kinda feel bad and maybe wanna see her get her own happy end, but if we don't, it's fine, we don't care much. Know that?
Well, I am this side character.

Broken crayons still color.
Make it your motto.
You're broken enough to do that.

Don't need any relationship right now. Nope. Whatsoever.
I just wanna be my old self again.
Stop crying so often and feeling awful. Stop remembering stuff from not so long ago and try to find the truth in words. There's no truth anymore. It doesn't matter. Whatever I'm looking for is not there.
I wanna be happy again. Enjoy every day of my life without all the thoughts I'm having now. And I'm having too much of those. Sometimes you need to stop thinking. I need to learn how to do that. ASAP.
I need to move out. For the first time I'm actually waiting for the summer to end, cause I'll definitely be out by then. Definitely.
And I've made a huge mistake thinking it was only friendly. It wasn't. I craved for more and I shouldn't. And I won't anymore.
I've decided that I wanna be over it. And I will be, cause I'm strong. I cry all the time, cause it's hard to be strong, but better this than miserable and alone and missing. Better cry it all out while I can.
But we're friends. Good ones. And I hope not to lose that. Cause I care. And he cares.
Let's just leave it at that.